Contemplating under the full moon

wow. I can't believe six weeks has flown by.  I have had vivid frustration dreams for days now.  Last night I dreamt I lost my dog Charlie, and was looking in a phone book trying to locate the number to the pound to get him, and each time I found it the pages would flip and I would have to start looking again. The night before, even worse.  What is the meaning of all this?  Friends have told me here that stuff will come out, doors will be closed and I will let go of many things. My dreams are trying to tell me something, I just have to listen.  As the return date draws closer, as my experience here comes to a close, I have to find the resolve to maintain this healthy lifestyle and start to work towards balance and peacefulness.  Can I do this without the support I've gathered here in clean veggie city? I suddenly feel so alone when for the last six weeks I have been surrounded by love and the safety of this ashram. Strange. Will people at home beleive in my resolve to live healthy? Will I fall prey to my past and throw away my new found willpower? I feel like I'm truly coming out of rehab back into the lion's den of temptation.

Last week on Sunday we went to Maharishi's ashram down the street.  Sunday is the day of rest and day of trash burning..there are no garbage cans in Rishikesh, so people gather up the garbage that gathers each week and burn it..toxic fumes from plastic and garbage fill the air. Cows pick at the scraps.  Ahhh nice smell for the day off..

He had this great little commune going on, where people came from all over the world to meditate and get some serious zen on.  It was once a beautiful, serene place that housed thousands of people.  In 1988 the lease came up and the government chose not to renew it. They forced everyone out and the place has gone to ruin. What the hell. So now it sits, rotting, a mecca for tourists who want to see meditation hut number 9 where John Lennon hung out.  So we get to the entrace:

It's locked and we knock. This dude comes out and charges us a buck each to enter.  No big deal, but come on it's a ruin.  This sadu guy (religious guys that wear orange and dont have jobs, they just seem to find their way somehow with nothing but the clothes on their backs...) starts to follow us around and speaks english. He tells us what each of the buildings are:

In this shot he's in the old post office, which was once so beautiful.  He shows us the tile shop, the worship areas, the apartments for the tourists and the natives, the beautiful paths, flowers and meditation pods, set in the landscape like in Return of the jedi...there are literally hundreds of these little huts dotting the landscape:

Suprisingly, its hot as hell outside and these pods are quite cool inside, apparently its all about the stone they used for the building.  The whole tour takes about two hours, we go into the tourist houses and find this really cool grafitti:





I feel the zen..the feeling that people get when they visit such a grand place...we were dying to see the beatles cottage where they stayed. Imagine, that place is open so long and one Beatles trip to the ashram for one week and the place becomes legendary. Talk about influential people. So, here it is, the gutted and rotted version of the place the beatles sat and contemplated many of the songs from their white album:

I saw the first bathtub that I have ever seen in India so I thought it was profound that at least one of the beatles had bathed in this very spot:

We also went underground to check out the yoga and meditation rooms, little tiny 6x8 stone rooms that are freezing and the feel is very eerie:

Oh well, to each his own. Last but not least, the legendary number 9 meditation hut. The mecca. The feeling as I stood in front of it? Awesome.

This little commune even had it's own electricity system, it was very advanced for it's day.  So, there you go. An old community, fallen to ruin. Me and the others that went started to fantasize about cleaning it up and building a sustainable living facility. Seems that idea is really spreading...there are actually many people turning to living like that around the world..Maharishi has a sustainable living degree program in a university in the states now, and for a mere hundred grand or so, you can learn how to start your own little ashram and farm organic food and earn a Bachelors degree. Ah...the price of enlightenment.

Over the next few days I prepared to teach my yoga class on Wednesday. I must say, it went well, although I have this overwhelming feeling that I have a LOT to learn. I came here to complete this yoga journey, and no no no..it's just beginning. A new way to live, a new way to be in this world...I feel like I am starting over from scratch and I have to make totally different choices in my life.  I have the tools now...I just have to have faith in myself..love my self and beleive I can do it without having my hand held.  That is the true test. It starts now.

Today I sent home a package of crap so that I dont have to carry much to the Vipassana or down into the sauna of Delhi and Agra.  I already feel like I'm melting in this place.  10 Days of pure meditation start next Tuesday. I go to the place, give up my computer, my books, pens, notebooks, and just have me and my clothes, meditating for 2 hour stints, 4 times a day. Can yo believe it? I might just go mad...and that..is going to be the last step in the skimming of crap off my blossoming soul. I'm ready.

xoxoxoxo